So this has been on my heart for a couple of weeks since the last sermon. Our church has been doing a sermon on the "IF's" in the bible. Oh man you want to talk about some good stuff. Two weeks ago Heather was preaching on "if" not faith. Let me shed some light on what that if not faith looks like to me...We are so easy to praise God in the good times but sadly never during the bad times. As a society when we get in the bad times should we really praise him? I mean after all why would be praise someone who created us, who knows us from every hair on our body, who knows are thoughts, knows our hearts, provides for us etc...you get the picture. Reading the last two statements seem so obvious OF COURSE we should praise Him seems like a no brainer. Well I ask you why don't we in all things. Why is it that our God only get the glory while good things are happening? Why do we not thank Him for the bad things and thank God as one day that bad will be used for His glory? Because we (and I am so guilty of this) are so self absorbed in the why me? Why does this happen to me?
Perfect example...we live in DC (as most of you know) and recently moved from Oklahoma. Oh man let me give a shout out to one of the bible belt states. I love and miss the freedom of true
"Jesus" talks. We have been here for the last eight months and man has it been a fight, challenge, depression and lots of tears shed. In my experience when you pull into DC and start mingling you can feel the oppression here. People are driven to the next task, blinders full force, and how can I get to know you for who you know. It is very political here. People here are not friendly (again this is my opinion)...you generally won't get a hi out of people and most of the time you don't even get eye contact. It is so super sad. It is a place of no joy, no peace, and just sadness. I used to be that girl that would walk into a room and just be like man who can I love on today....people have told me when you walk in you light up the room with that smile etc. Well for the last several months I have felt so robbed of that joy. That love to share with others, the love to do for others, or the love to even smile. I have always asked God what is my place when we move...always have found that in some nitch or in what I was doing. For the last 8 months I have been questioning God on that. I have lost that sense of who I am in God, what I am supposed to be doing for Him etc. I have felt so bound by satan and this oppression. I have felt very little joy in things and when I mean joy I mean God's joy. As most of you know I am very tatted with song lyrics, scripture, my foot tatt etc. Usually that is a means of opening the door for some Jesus talk...not here. Most people don't notice if you even walk by. The past two weeks have been very hard in some serious soul searching. What truly brings me joy? Is it loving on people, doing for others, sewing etc....Well the only answer I know is the joy that God brings me. I keep hearing for the joy of our Lord is our strength...Have you ever felt weak because of no joy? Well that is where I have been sitting for a while. After this sermon it hit me like a ton of bricks and has been wrestling with my spirit for a bit. Why am I not feeling joy?
Well the answer is simple. I am choosing to live in the why me state. The why did you bring me here...God you have to show me...really me telling God he has to do something...now that my friends is funny stuff. I am sure he is going to jump right up out of that throne and show me because Tiffany Kalin said he has to. Ugh really who am I to tell God what he has to do? What I do know is this...in scripture is say very clearly....Be careful then how you live-not unwise but wise, making the most out of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be fools, but understand what the Lord's will is.. Ephesians 5:15-17. I also know that Satan is out to get us...he is out to steal, kill and destroy..John 10:10 tells us that very clearly. Lately I have been living unwise. I will not let Satan steal, kill or destroy anything anymore.
I have come to the conclusion (although I have known this in my head but heart knowledge and applying it is two different things) that in some hard times I will praise God but it is of my picking and choosing. I will praise Him in the bad things as I see fit. Oh man does that break my heart. I have a God that sees fit everyday that I get to wake up to see a new day, a God that loves me enough that has sent me a man who is a very Godly man, a wonderful loving husband and father that I have had the blessing to be married to him for 20 years, God loved me enough to entrust me with his creation, our son Hunter...to raise as it now 19 and a God fearing young man almost done with his freshman year of college, I could go on all day with the accounts of how God loves me and what do I do to show him thanks? I don't praise Him in everything..only what I see fit to. How selfish. Thankfully God is not that kind of God because with my behavior I deserve nothing more than death. Oh and a reminder it took God giving his son to die for ME so I don't have death and would
I do that by giving my son for others...ugh utter disgust at the moment with myself. Thank God for his grace that is for sure.
IF God chooses not to deliver me from this walking aimlessly here in DC not knowing what I am supposed to do then so what, right? I will praise Him continually. What other choice do I have and why would I want another choice. What I do know I want is to be God's light again. To feel His true joy by delighting in Him, by seeking Him, hearing what He has to tell me not what this world has to say, by having joy because of Him and Him alone. So my choice.... I choose to praise through the if not...will you?
Until next time...
No comments:
Post a Comment