Images of heart and soul-that is my friends

So wow where do I start with this blog.  I just watched two-gather from our old church in Oklahoma and was in a devotional book this morning, what God says is amazing.  As I watched it (I am so thankful for technology that allows me to watch it and stay somewhat connected) I am reminded what heart and soul is. As we move through life we encounter things that we don't like, things we don't want walk through, things that are not fair, or we have the opposite of how great God is. God gets the glory for all the good things we have walked through but we never give Him the glory for the bad (Romans 11:36 For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen).  We know without a shadow of a doubt all things good and bad will always be used for His glory.  May not be in the immediate, two months or ten years down the road but at one point it will be used for HIS good.  So reeling that back into my original thoughts.

For the past few months I have been walking in some really dark and hard places.  My life as I knew it just changed not overnight but in a 18 year process.  Recently Jay and I moved to DC leaving our only child behind to attend college.  So in the past few months the roots we planted in Oklahoma have been pulled out and they were deep.  When we started pulling the roots up the world around me as I knew it crumbled.  I used to love moving and seeing new places...at 38 yep I am over it or at least for this move I was. With leaving I not only left my sweet son to go into this dog eat dog world, but I left a lot of sweet friends.  I left a handful of my heart and soul friends.  You ask what is my heart and soul friends....well those are my friends that have been there for me without no hesitation.  As I watch two-gather today God reminded me why I have them in my life.  We as Christians need to do biblical community.  We need people in our lives that are with us heart and soul...meaning those handful of people that we do biblical community with do not judge us, that do not throw bad decisions in our face, that do rebuke us when we are wrong as they are supposed to according to (but it is from a loving heart without malice) 2 Timothy 3:16, they walk through us in dark places holding our hands when we can't even see how we are even going to take the next step. I don't know about you but I am so thankful for the reminder of the handful of girls that have been my heart and soul.

I read in Psalms (139:1-16) this morning that God loves us...(paraphrasing) he loves us so much that he specifically created us from every hair on our head to the tip of our toes.  He knows everything about us.  So I can't help but think of all of my life how he knew exactly who to put in my life good and bad exactly in His timing.  When I think about it, it is a lot to take in.  Someone loved me enough to bring these people into my life for my well being.  How stinking amazing is that.

So for the two years at our last church we have made some phenomenal friends and I have gained some heart and soul sisters in Christ that could not have been more perfect for me.  The last six months were hard but the last two have been the hardest and two weeks into this DC move it is still so hard.  I have said all of this so much that I am sick of hearing it from my own mouth that I can't imagine what my close friends feel.lol I am mad because I have to leave my kid behind at college, however on a true note I am so proud of my son for going to college like I never did.  He could be in jail, addicted to drugs etc...he has a love for God that is so amazing to watch, so with all of that I am truly thankful and blessed.  I have stated I don't want to move that I am comfortable here....first mistake saying comfortable...God does NOT want us to be comfortable...that leads to being complancentcy and that in my eyes leads to self rightousness that I am perfect and don't need to grow anymore.  That is like a time bomb waiting to go off and a big one that will blow up in  your face like no one's business.  So to me being comfortable is dangerous...I was comfortable in Oklahoma...life was challenging but I could get by with going to church, seeing everyone and knowing what I had week after week.

So we come to DC and boom the time bomb blows up.  I am working through so many feelings.  To be quite frank here they are...I DO NOT like not being able to see my son's face or hug him when I could before everyday, I DO NOT like that I have to start over at a new church, I DO NOT like that I have moved to a big city that is busy among busy, and I DO NOT like not having any friends around here or the ones that do live around here are 45 mins to three hours away.  That makes for a hard days drive in the traffic...lol

For 18 years (almost 20 years I have been a wife) a mom.  Everything that I knew that was normal has been changed.  I am still a mom but with a kid that is far away, I am still a wife but now what do I do with all my free time as I have been so busy with church, being a mom, and doing what wives do...cook clean etc.  I found my busy life being reduced to nothing to do...nothing that seems to matter.  I can clean like no one's business as I love to clean but you can only do so much cleaning before it is all cleaned, I can cook but again you can only cook so much, I found that I have no church to go to and work at, serve at etc.  I love to be busy doing what God wants me to do....as I have always known that place before I have no clue what that is now.  So those are the dark places I have walked lately.

During those dark walks I have had a handful of friends that have held my hand better yet as the sermon said held my arms up when I could not stand at all.  These are the women that texted and called me on the day I drove off and left my (even though he 18) baby boy behind.  I drove off know that I only get to hug him during holiday visit etcs...(then God reminds me of my sweet friend who's ex husband 14 1/2 years ago killed her three boys and that she will not get to hug them again until she gets to heaven), she has been a part of holding up my arm.

Another woman who has been a paul in my life, that has invested in me like no one has since Janet Brennan, Amber Tipton, and Shawn Schilling which was when I first came to know Christ.  She has been my pillar of strength to lean on when I can't sometimes even hold myself up.  She is the ying to my yang as I so sweetly and comically tell her. She will never know the depth of that statement.  She has been another person holding my arm up.

Another sweet friend that is so wise beyond her years.  I wish at the age of 27 I had it all together like that.  She has walked through some dark times although different but understands what a dark hall means.  She has been my sounding board of my fits, my angered mouth etc..she lets me rant and rave with whatever comes out of my mouth then lovingly says a prayer and says I am sorry that you are going through this. She has been another person holding my arm up.

Another one who is so much younger than me confided in me things that I was helping her walk through but little did she know that she helped me more than she ever knew.  She is amazing, her spunky random self is just what the spice of life should be and everyone should have one of her in there life..lol  She is another one that has been holding my arm up.

Another one just recently God brought into my life right before the move and wow we had more in common than I ever thought possible. She is a amazing and she is a military wife so she gets me in a way that most people can't, even though they really try, understand what we go through as military wives. I pray that our paths/bases cross again real soon.  She is another one holding my arm up.

Another one through God's divine appointments did I meet on FB through a friends status.  I have known this lady who posted the prayer need for years (since our boys where in kindergarten) and she put a post on fb for prayer.  God put it on my heart to type out a prayer.  I got a message from the lady who said (and don't quote me word for word as my memory is not so good anymore..lol) that prayer was for my husband and I wrote it down and carry it with me.  That has created a friendship with someone I have NEVER met face to face (yet) and she has been holding my arm up.

Another one who I met through church that is amazing to me.  She is funny and has an amazing personality. We attended a bible study together called Be Transformed and I fell in love with her....She is a what you see is what you get kind of lady.  Although we didn't get together that much after they moved but when we did...it was as if we never missed a beat.  If was as if when you held unto this friendship things will never change :). She has been a part of holding my arms up.

Okay so you see the pattern here and the list goes on and on....every person at one point in my life has been there to help hold a part of my arm up.  Lately these handful of women have been my rocks, my backbone, my heart, my reality, my light when my world has seemed so dark.  That is what biblical community does when Two(or more)gather.

Thank you all for the prayers, text messages, comments on fb, messages in fb, boxes in the mail, devotional books, quotes you send me to add to my quote book, and many more things as you will never know what they have meant to me...most importantly thank you for a friendship that is Christ centered. A friendship that I know that I can be exactly like God created me to be but also when I tend to be fleshy that you let me and love me anyways....thank you my heart and soul friends past, present and future.....  As I close I am reminded of the tatt on my left wrist...Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT unto your own understanding...Proverbs 3:5

until next time

Thank you God for the reminder

Well I sit here typing away completely humbled by our awesome God again...I say again like that is a shocking thing.  That God of ours blows me away every single time he does what He does and boy does He do it best.  Now by no way shape or form am I a pro writer nor will my words always flow but the one thing I do know is that when God works it doesn't take a writer to translate that to you.  About five months ago I blogged on a subject about what is our blueprint. So I am gonna recap on that then add some more to it about what has happened over the last weekend.

Here is the old post:

Often we go through life and we have so many different questions? What is our purpose here? Why did God put me here if all I have is bad things that happen? When will I ever find love, husband, wife etc? Well I hear these questions all the time and here is my thought on it…

I don’t think we always know what our 100 percent purpose is on this earth. However I do know this. God has a plan and a purpose on this earth for you. Sometimes we get so caught up in all the what if and whys that we miss the little picture that usually leads to the bigger picture.

For years I always wanted to know what MY purpose was on this earth but I do know this God gave me the gift of “gab” as I call it. For a while I used to wonder this…am I to much for people, to loud, to obnoxious etc…then I had something profound that God confirmed that my gift of “gab” was right what He had intended for me…

We attended a church at our last base and one Sunday a fellow volunteer said okay there is a lady here who attended our Christmas service and has come back for a second time. Can you please find her and chat with her (knowing that I NEVER meet a stranger) etc. Her name was Renee. (I will never forget that name because it had a huge impact on what my purpose was.) So as we sat down I looked around with the description she had given me…(a lady with brown hair and a jacket that had cheetah print around the wrist) could not find her..finally as the music started I looked around again and to my left in the next section was that lady…I scurried over there to introduce myself. I said, “hi I am Tiffany and wanted to know if you would like to come sit with my family” happily she obliged. After that service I then introduced her to the pastor as a new attendee that started at our huge Christmas service (which we know that two times a year people come to church for Christmas and for Easter) and that she loved it and so did her daughter (who had begged to stay for two Christmas services because she had so much fun.). Of course for me that was so good to hear because I loved my church. I was a teller at our last church counting tithes and after I was done that next week my pastor stopped me and said you remember the lady that you introduced me too…I said yes, He then said she called me on Friday to tell me her husband was killed and she was so thankful that at that moment she had a church family, even if it was just a short time since she had been going to church. She asked our pastor to do his funeral. As we attended that funeral we saw so many people that loved that guy. He was a hard core Harley rider and was a repo of cars. (He took his tow truck out and was hitching a car up…as he raised the car up onto the tow truck he then went behind the car to look at it and the car then came loose and back over him sadly taking his life.) That was a huge break through for me and God’s gift He gave me.

I was questioning my very nature that God had implanted in my life….HE wrote that quality about me in my blue prints when He designed me. That very incident confirmed that my God created me with a gift….a gift of being outgoing and never meeting a stranger. Had I second guessed myself that day Renee would have come to church every week (if she continued to come) maybe with no one investing in her. The very blueprint God created was used for His glory which satan had me second guess. What we think how come, why not etc may not be in God’s bigger plan for you….stay focused on the little things you can do to further His kingdom not satan’s what if and how come bondage…

My point if you are wondering is this…if you stay so focused on what if, how come, etc you will MISS the little details that are written in your blueprint. When you start catching God’s little details…He starts to reveal the big picture.. So my advice is do things everyday for HIS glory and not your fleshy gratification and you my friends will see that you have a gift that was written in your blueprint…until next time..

So the new post starts here:

So this past weekend God blew me away again.  As you read before I had and still have a insecurity with my gift of gab.  I know God uses it for His purpose most of the time but He confirmed this weekend that it was for HIS timing.

So I have been volunteering at the Lifechurch South for almost two years.  The past two years our (my entire families) life has been changed.  For two years we have driven 40 miles round trip to go serve and attend the church.  About four/five months ago I moved my volunteering from Sunday to Saturday night.  Although on Sunday's I still volunteered I felt God was calling me to coach on the host team for Saturday night to build a strong team.  So I obeyed and man He never lets me down.  Watching numbers go up in attendance and in volunteers...huddles with praise reports out the wazoo I was so so grateful.  Then the time came for what most of us that live in Midwest have been praying for.  A Lifechurch Campus in Midwest City (MWC).  It has been said yes, then no, then yes that it is coming well it is here.  We have been open since July 3 and WOW is God working something crazy.  Okay I know I am getting off on a tangent so I am reeling myself back in...lol.  For just two short years we have been here.  I, with my gift of gab, talk to everyone.  I have a specific neighbor, Deborah, that I know without a shadow of a doubt put us in each others lives.  A few years ago she lost her husband to cancer which I am sure left a huge void.  David was a mighty man.  I know he had a kind heart, love his family and loved life.  I have seen that through Deborah as she talks about him.  They had a awesome daughter named Amy that is my age.  In April of 2010, I was vacuuming my car and God said go to Deborah's...I was like okay...so I did.  The door was open but she did not answer.  So I walked back over and continued back to what I was doing...God said nope...walk right back over there so I did.  This time she answered the door.  I went in and sat down just like usual but then God said ask about Amy (at this point I had never met Amy but had heard so much about her) so I did.  To say the least God knew exactly what he was doing.  She welled up with tears and then proceeded to tell me the news.   Amy was diagnosed with breast cancer.  As a mom my heart ached for her at the thought of losing a child and as a female at the same age of 38 I knew how young we still are.  I then just started praying with her.  For the next several months things would be hard, tests, surgeries, set back, more test etc.  During this time I was NOT going to give up on either one of them.  I knew that deep down Deborah was mad at God to an extent but I knew she loved God.  She knew the same sweet Jesus that I did.  One time Amy came down (she lives in Dallas so Deborah has to travel back and forth for all of the treatment etc) and I finally got to meet her and not just through her moms eyes or a phone but in person. Amy had not hair, drains in place, and I was SOOOO excited to meet her. I prayed with them and I knew some how God had a plan.  We have talked endless hours of how I think God used David's (her husbands) death to allow her to be able to walk this with Amy, not that is makes it any easier but it gives you a little perspective when you start to look at it that way.  I even snuck into her house one day around Christmas time and decorated...yep you guessed it pink stuff not just any pink breast cancer pink.  I bought a pink table top tree and lots of ornaments that were breast cancer silver charms, you name it I bought it.  You see she had not done Christmas decorations in a few years...well that was gonna change in my book.

Deborah knows my routine as it has been that way forever...church every Sunday but then a few months ago I added in Saturdays.   I usually chat with her on the weekends as she is out working in the yard.  So when shirts went out for the MWC campus I brought her one.  She has told me countless times that she wants to go back to church.  I have told her lots of times to come with us.  She will know someone etc.  She said I know, I will go one day.   Well this past Saturday I was over in the neighborhood picking up my mail and saw her outside...as I usually do I whistled. (that has always been my thing to watch her look around like what the heck..lol)  She turned around to the shock of hey I was there...after talking to my renters I went over there to chit chat.   She asked what I was doing tonight and I said heading to south.  Then I told her Sunday I would be over here at MWC.  She has heard all of the stories etc that I have shared.  She said I want to go one day...well my response...you have about four Sundays to go with me there before you can use the excuse I am not there anymore and you won't know anyone...therefor you won't go.  Deborah is a very quiet, laid back, passive person so I knew that would be her out...well yep she did not get that lucky.  She asked me about the times of the services and I told her.  Get ready here is to best part of the story.....are you ready....

Sunday....my phone is always in my back pocket.  It goes off several times with status updates, emails, and texts.  Well yet again my phone went off and I checked it.  The text name was Deborah Carlin.  My heart yep skipped a beat.  The time was precisely 11:20 am...the message went like this.  D:service time 11:30.. Me: Yes are you here?  D:Yes  Me: where I can't find you.   So I start looking and my heart is jumping up and down.  No answer back...finally after what felt like forever but it was all of ten seconds...I call her.  She answers and I say where are you, she says at the coffee.  I run over there like I had just won the lottery...although I did not win the lottery physically, I won the lottery God's style.  I said hey you...here first words were I love this place.  People are so friendly, I got out of my car and a guy in a golf cart picked me up and brought me to the door etc.  My heart was swelling up with pride on how awesome this host team is.   So we go into service...and she loved it.  Worship she just loved but she also loved the message.   I had told her that I would walk out at the prayer because I had to work at the table for host team to come find me right across the room when she came out.   With a little time to spare before going out of the room I stood in the back and watched as people gave and rededicated there life to Christ. In a moment...God's very precise moment she rose her hand and I lost it in the back.  Tears of joy, tears of thanksgiving, and complete humbleness that God used my gift of gab that brought someone to the precise place at that precise time.  Many talks of just girls talks, random things, or God talks. He knew right when it would be a reminder of His work is indeed far more than I can ever ask for.   Then when I thought it could not get any better after the one o'clock service I look up and boom did my eyes deceive me or was my vision correct?  My new neighbors from TLF (base motel) heard us talk about the church between the other neighbors as well and they came.

As I am on my way out to a new base and have to start over two of my family members will be leaving but the church has gained six new people.....SIX new people found a church to call home and further their  life for the kingdom of God.  How stinking amazing is that.  Well I know that yep I am a gabber and that is the gift God gave me and I am proud of.

until next time.

Letting Go....but my heart bursts with joy!

So letting go and letting my heart bursts with joy instead of sadness.  This morning I woke up with this on my heart. As I pour out my heart this will be a long one as it talks about my son so be ready. As I have been sharing it over that past few weeks with people I wanted to put it into words as I did with someone recently.  So in about a month Jay and I will pull away moving to DC as we leave our son behind for college.  As my heart is filled with heart break because that day is soon...God has been truly working on my heart preparing me for that day.  A awesome lady (I did not know, shocking I know I talk to strangers..lol) in a store recently asked me how my day was going...well during that time if you asked me the tears would well up in my eyes and I said good.  She then said are you okay.  I said yes just a hard day.  My husband and I are moving cross country and our son, our only child, will be staying behind for college.  As she so sweetly said I am so sorry but I had to walk in that same thing.  She said I was a single mom and it was just my son and myself for years. During his entire senior year as I was proud of him it was like a gray cloud was looming over my full of sadness and heartbreak. When it was time for him to go to college she said I was a wreck but as we walked with all of his boxes to move him in something hit me. She said some words that changed my perspective, thoughts, and heart. I thank God she did because it changed my life.  When our kids are little we want them to grow up and be good kids.  When our kids are little we want them to do better than we did in life.  When our kids are little we introduce them to God praying that they come to know Him and never stray.  Although those are not the exact words that was her point. Well this is how my thoughts changed..

When Hunter was little I just wanted him to be a good easy kid as I was so young myself and did not know what I was doing.  Through out his life he has had to have eleven surgeries due to tubes, tonsils, adenoids, sinus, appendix etc.  Man we spent more days in the doctors office than we did at home but man that boy was as trooper. Through all those surgeries, bouts with phenmonia, allergies he was the most delightful child and his temper was so laid back...okay he did have his temper tamtrums but very far and few between.  Overall he was a delightful child that wanted to learn.

While Hunter has been growing up he has wanted to be many things as most kids do.  Let me list a few, (I love the ranges of jobs) garbage man because it is cool to get to hang off the back of the truck,  a firefighter because you get to wear a really neat hat,  a policeman because you can carry a gun and have a car with lights,  a nascar driver because Jeff Gordan was awesome at winning every race and had a fast car, just to name a few of them while he was little.  As he got older it was more in depth thoughts of a job, a teacher because you can make a difference, a counselor because it is neat to be able to talk to someone,  a marine, in the army, the air force, tossed the navy around also...we have covered all four branches lol.  I wanted him to know that he could be whatever he wanted to be if he put his mind into it. I knew that I wanted him to go to college and get a education that I never did.

The last point I wanted to touch on was God. When they are little we let them go to church with a friend or we take them depending on where we are in life.  If we want to be in church or if we want to let them go to church with a friend because they like it and we as parents think God could never love us with our mistakes etc. (boy as we know that is far from the truth)  In the military we move a lot but when we moved to Ohio things changed.  We found the best church we had ever stepped foot into at that time. (As I look back God was so faithful in putting the right people with the right church in our lives to feed us at that EXACT moment in our life)  We started going and he loved it.  Then he started AWANAs. That unleashed a only child competitivevess run loose. He started memorizing verses left and right and before you know it his vest was full of pins, patches etc. We had a neighbor named Caitlin (who is now grown and married) that was always at our house and started going to church with us. Man those two were the best of friends depsite several years of difference in age.  Not only did God allow me to watch my child grow to know God but also allowed me to watch her grow.  I look back and man was that a blessing that I am so thankful for. To make a long story short as we moved we were in and out of churches but sowing that seed when he was little was the key. The biggest seed I saw come to life that changed his life was his eighth grade summer at camp. (That was the spring after Jay left for Iraq) so I had him set up for three christian summer camps to attend to keep him busy per say and make time go by past. Well one camp in particular he came home and said God has called me into the ministry. As a mom I was excited but at the same time I knew that we all feel on fire from God when we leave a God driven retreat, event etc. So I had him talk to a youth pastor etc. Well that passed for a while but it kept coming back. For the next couple of years he would drift away from that and would want to do other things military, etc. God kept convicting him as Hunter was very active in the youth group in Virginia. Finally he just said I have a calling on my life from God and I have no choice but to follow and answer it. He started teaching and preaching to that youth group. Man what a blessing to have the ability to go watch him do that. So times goes by we move here...the marines, army and air force were back in the picture as he has always done ROTC and felt a urge to do the military as my father was in, Jay is in, and he felt a burden to carry on a "tradition." As we don't care what he did if he would just make up his mind and not change it every other week..lol Either way whatever he did we would be proud. Well God keeps on calling this kid back to what God has intended for him. As of now he knows he is supposed to be in the ministry and will be attending OU in the fall with a degree in religious studies with intentions to go into the Air Force to either be a chaplain or a logistics officer and do ministry on the side. As we know you do NOT have to be a pastor of a church to minister God's word. So whatever God has military or not Hunter knows as of know what God has called him to do.  God has been so faithful putting the most awesome people around us to pour into Hunter's life. If you have been one of those, thank you from the bottom of this mom's heart.

As we will pull away in 60 plus days leaving our child behind I will leave heart broken to see that my only baby is leaving the house but I leave with something bigger.  When he was a baby I wanted three big things for him.  I wanted him to grow up and be a good kid.  Man did God fulfill that one.  He is an amazing kid.  He truly has never given us any problems other than a messy room, a attitude of you don't know anything as parents, and maybe he speeds sometimes when I am in the car and I have to remind him...WE pay the insurance and this some odd ton car carries a precious package to me and I would like to keep it....he is truly a phenominal kid.  That is nothing that Jay and I have done but that is what God has done through Jay and I, rather it be good times, bad times, mistakes we have made and can truly share that lesson with our son, hoping he can learn from our mistakes. God so graciously put the right people in Hunter's life that have poured into Hunter precisely when he needed it.  He has met a very special girl that God has placed in his life.  I watch my son be a man that wants to be a

I walk away knowing that he is going to college and will get the education that I never did. He can be anything that he wants to be.  For that I am so proud.

I walk away know that God put us in a church that planted a seed for my child to love Him.  I see that everyday in his life.  The loves he has for God is so amazing.  He is so inlove with God and it exudes every part of his being.  I walk away know that the very child God gave me to raise is a child that loves God more than his own life.  I walk away knowing that I gave showed him how a wife should love God first. I walk away knowing that my son has met a very special girl that loves God more than her own life.  I don't know what that future brings between them but I walk away knowing that from watching a special girl love God the way she does he knows what he wants from a wife.  I walk away knowing that he knows how to be that spiritual leader of his family because his dad has been that example for him.  I walk away knowing that the tattoo he has on his back represents God...I know God always has my sons back. I walk away knowing that the very things I wanted for my son have come true.  I walk away knowing that because of God he WILL make a difference in life.  I walk away know my little boy has grown up into a awesome young man.  I walk away witht he reality that he will make mistakes in life but I know that God will be there with him the whole way.

About three months ago I questioned did I do good by my son.  Did I prepare him for the world the best I could.  He never really tells me stuff about me being a mom so I did question it.  This past mothers day I recieved a letter that truly did my heart so good and confirmed that I did do a okay job.  As I share these words please be aware that this is not what I have done but what God has done through me. God gets all that glory.  Mother's day May 2011

Mom,

thank you for everything you do. You truly are an amazing person. I don't know where I would be without you mom.  You have helped me in so many ways. I know I will begin a new journey next and the seperation will be hard.  You truly have made me so strong in God and have always been the rock.  I want you to have the best mother's day ever.  I truly feel this mother's day will be the best one ever. You have become such a woman of God and a role model what I want in a wife.  thank you for all you have done and all the projects you have done for me. Thank you for being there for 18 years of my life and still counting.  I hope this letter can capture how much you truly mean to me.  I love you will all my heart and could not ask for a better mom.  I hope you love your card also. Thanks again mom for all you do.

Your son,

Hunter

So today as I know I will have to let go soon of my baby boy that is now 18 into a dog eat dog world.  To leave him at a college that will start his adult life.  I know that I may be several hundred or thousands of miles away but I know that we have done the best as parents as we knew how to do.  Thank you God for trusting Jay and I to raise a child that means more to you than we can ever know.  So as we start letting go it is hard but my heart bursts with joy!

until next time.

Step back...look at the bigger picture!

Step back...look at the bigger picture....so I am saying step back and look at the bigger picture.  Can you see how God has perfectly orchestrated everything in your life good and bad?

The decisions you make today will determine your memories tomorrow...

Why does God want us to remember? That is the question that was asked to us in today's sermon. Well here is what I got out of it today.

When remember what God's faithfulness was in the past it allows us to trust HIM in the present.  How many things can you look back on and you can see God's faithfulness in it?  I would have to say probably to many to count.  One area that is huge in my life that God has been faithful in showing me that just when I think I got it all down and have learned something...well there is more to learn.   We go through life and we learn lessons.  Sometimes they are so hard to go through and you think what am I supposed to learn from this lesson.  Or do you find yourself saying why did I not learn that lesson 476 times ago..lol  I find myself asking that over and over...does God just sit back and say okay I know you have walked through this already several times but after a few more you will then get it and you will realize why I let you continue in this lesson.  I think each time we go through something over and over we remember plus take something different from each time.  Something that helps us walk through that again or helps us look someone in the face and say I have walked that walk.  I am here to walk that with you and I you truly get that to tell them I get it.  I understand it.  That is when we remember and we think..God has this one just like He had the last one.

When we remember it directs our actions in the future.  If we keep walking in the same path eventually we get tired of it and we will hopefully have different actions the next time we are in it, face with it, walking through it etc.  When we remember all the wrong things we forget the right things (via Sam Roberts Life Church).  Boy that statement is a impactful one.  I don't know what that just spoke to you but how often do we just remember all the wrong stuff?  When we do focus all the wrong how many times does that choke out the right.  Or when you are trying to do right...you think I have always done it wrong why is this time any different.  Well at some point you must remember the right..all though this is redundant it is so true.

How do we remember was the next point...well we write it down.  For me I have a quote book...when I hear awesome life changing quotes I write them down in my book.  I have that book to eventually pass down tid bits of useful information to my grandkids.  Same for your story, testimony, the situation, the time God spoke to you.  In that very instant you will write down that feeling, the words, etc so everytime you start to doubt you read it and remember that VERY moment.  Sam said today in the sermon...a book that you can pass down for generations to come.  You can call it what ever you want...faithfulness of God, the titles can be endless...you have free rain...but don't forget to write it down...that is how we remember. 

The final point was to tell it to others.   Oh my gosh let me say testimonies are the most powerful things to share.  You NEVER know when one, some or all of your testimony can be impacting, a confirmation from God to someone, and life changing moment where someone says God I surrender.  I am not the only person that has walked through this.  It can be something from a loss of someone, a circumstance of life, a survivor of cancer, a person that overcame rape, a abuse (physical, mental, verbal, or sexual) survivor. The possibilties of transformation for you or someone else are endless when you share your story or better yet God's story.

A handful of quotes that I will leave you with are this...

The decisions you make today will determine your memories for tomorrow (as well as generations to come).

Watching how God worked in our past allows us to trust Him in the future.

God always moves on our behalf....

Are you a Peace keeper or a peace maker???

So ask yourself this question...are you a peace keeper or a peace makerYou stumped?  Well let me give you some clarity to see where you fall in this answer.  A peace keeper is a person that will often avoid confrontation.  A peace maker embraces confrontation to make peace. The series we are in at church is called getting past your past.  The first week was breaking the labels that bind us.  The second week forgiving those who hurt you.  The third week was apologizing to those you have hurt.  We have one more week to go and man this series has hit me right between the eyes like a bullet that contained a dose of reality.  Beprepared this is a long one....get a cup of coffee and sit back and enjoy the read.

As most of you know these past few months have been a huge roller coaster (I know who am I kidding as I am a woman with hormones and we are always on a rollercoaster..lol)  So many changes in our lives as a family.  If you don't let me shed some light.  Since February it has been huge milestones.  Jay and I hit 19 years of marriage, our only child turned 18,  Hunter got accepted into OU (University of Oklahoma), we got orders to DC, We hit 19 years in the air force, try to sell our first house we have ever bought (might I add huge attachment to this place), Hunter graduates and we get to leave him behind in August. So in a span of four months life was sent down a path of drastic changes. So you ask why the tanget...hold on getting there.

With the first sermon, breaking the labels that bind us... my name is Tiffany and I am a doormat (that was the fill in blank for me).  I have learned over the years my compassion to truly help people came with a price.  It came with the label of doormat.  Just ask her and she will help you and you get what you want.  After so many times of that and when I truly needed people rather it be with listening or Jay was deployed and I could not do some stuff, no one was ever there or they were to busy.  Over and over starts to leave someone with a bitter taste in there mouth about "friends and people in general." So on the flip side I decided to just depend on me and well that did not go so well.  I starting shutting people out, became very insecure with who I was and became bitter.  To say that, that went over like a lead balloon was a understatement.  The once happy go lucky big personalitied short stature person was a person with no cares. Let me tell you what that landed me...depression, missing the big and little things in life, just plain miserable.  So as I started really looking at things from a Godly perspective what were my motives?  To fit in, to get people to like me, to buy there love, to prove myself worthy...yep.  I knew that I was truly never happy or secure with who I was due to several things...the main thing lacking in a relationship with my father....clarify my heavenly father.  When we truly become open to the fact that we do NOT have to prove ourselves to Him or to anyone else things got better.  I came to a conclusion that HE loves me know matter what.  He loves me in spite of my faults, my motives etc.   When you truly start to "GET IT" and put it into practice everything behind what you do changes.  Your fitting in  becomes I don't want to fit in I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  Another words I want to stand out but in a good way.  So from many years of heartache, selfish motives, or I don't give a crap attitude to know what My God says and feels about me...my name is Tiffany and I am a Girl4God.  Now that does mean I am perfect, nor does that mean that I never have selfish movtives or become insecure with who I am...nope that just means I am human and sweet Jesus that died on the cross for me bridges that gap. Whew that was a mouth full or a blog full but that was the bullet between the eye of the first message.

The second message...well that is another story. Forgiving those who hurt you.  Some of you have heard my tesitmony and some may not have.  Life growing up was not easy and as a adult was not any easier as baggage followed me everywhere I went.  I choose not to go into those details as this time (without the blessing of sharing it from people involved) but it took me lots of years to find out what true forgiveness means.  At the age at 24 we started attending a church that three ladies where key to my starting the forgiveness process.  I will never forget them and have thanked them in my later years for pouring into me. Janet Brennan, Amber Tipton, and Shawn Schilling.  The listened to me, they understood as some of them had first hand experience with it.  The loved me unconditionally.  As mature as I thought I was wow I look back and I so was not.  I was a young mother trying to figure who she was, raise and kid as well as be a wife.  I had only been married for 6years and Hunter was just getting ready to start kindergarten.  I was a basket case.  I had emotions all over the place trying to deal with so many issues.  However these ladies had poured and poured into me.  Janet Brennan said something so profound that I would never forget...she said you are still like a child in a corner calling out for help and no one is listening.   I never understood what the truly meant until I started having a relationship with God.  I would always cry out why me, when will this vicious cycle of the highs and lows go away.  For the next year they worked with me, poured God into me.  After years of dealing with the baggage I truly gave it to God.  Man watch out when you do that.  He will make you deal with it like nobodies business. Well he did.  My past affected my parental skills, my role as a wife.  I did not know how to cope.  When I was 32, Nov of 06 did I get a apology that changed not just my life but someone elses.  I was at that point to look at someone and say I forgave you a long time ago and it is time for you to forgive yourself.  Man that was FREEING!!! From that point on things in my life have been so different.  Although I still have a lot of forgiving to do in other areas I truly know how awesome it feels to forgive and I mean FULLY forgive. Now if I could work on the other 45 million things I need to forgive on..lol    I have a quote that I use that I was so excited when Craig said it last week...when you forgive you set the prisoner free and that prisoner is yourself...oh yeah baby, that my friends is a true statement.

Now onto week three...apologizing to the ones you have hurt.  So that is where you need to fill in the blank are you a peace keeper or peace maker.   The greatest enemy to peacemaking is pride, the greatest friend to peacemaking is humility.  To come to someone and say I have done wrong can you forgive me...requires oneself to be humble.  Humble gets mistaken in a human world as weakness, you might be subject to a haha I told you, you where wrong, and bet you don't ever make that mistake again.  How many times have you heard those words said to you? Over and Over right.  This particular week we had family in for Hunter's graduation and we all went to church.  My dad and stepmom, my mom and step dad,  Jay's mom and stepdad and Aunt Lisa.  It was amazing. My parents have been divorced for 20 years and sadly some forgiving has not happened.  To have all of them together was great but to have all of them together at church with my family was precious. This sermon really made me think of some really tought letters I need to write.  As I sit here I think about how I need to humble myself to some situaions and I pray that God gives me the guidance.

Week four and the last one of the series was getting past your failures.  Although we had a different pastor speak at each experience it was still the same message.  How do we get past our failures?  We got through life looking back at our past mistakes.  Well through the love and accepting Jesus into our hearts we can get past our past.  Our past decisions, mistakes, thoughts, actions etc..you name it God can do it.  In the illustration our sweet Youth Pastor Abraham Wright said...We are like a etch-a-sketch.  You make a mistake shake shake shake you erase it.   With God you make a mistake you ask for forgiveness and shake shake shake it is erase.

Now I don't know what this blog means for you but when it means for me is I do NOT want to be a peace keeper.  I want to be a peace maker even if that means confrontation that might stir up some hard feelings. But in the end with God and seeking Him for his guidance where can it go?  If you are truly seeking God's will it make not go the way we might think but it will go the best way possible...God's way.

I have to ask again...are you a peacemaker or a peacekeeper?

What label binds you and how do you plan on breaking it?

Do you have anyone that you need to forgive and what are you waiting for?

Do you need to ask someone to forgive you?

Do you realize that your past failures make you who you are today and they can truly be left in the past?

Today I am Tiffany and girl4God.  A girl that loves that she has a past because it has made me EXACTLY how God wants me to be today. A girl that loves her husband and son beyond words.  A girl that loves her family so much.  A girl that works and strives hard everyday to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  A girl that wants to be a friend that is remembered for the love of her heart for Jesus.  A girl that has a huge smile and laughs often because we are NEVER promised a tomorrow.  A girl that many joke about being five foot tall (or short lol) but when I worship my Jesus with hands out stretched I feel 10 feet tall and so close to my Savior.  Today I am Tiffany and girl4God...who are you?

until next time....

Gods got this one just like He had the last one.

Self Sabatage.........Why do we do it?

Self Sabotage....why do we do it?

That has been a question I have struggled with for years and the answer always varies for each person. It can be shopping, food, anxiety, questionable thoughts, fears, prescription meds, a whole host of other things, ways, or events.

If I was to ask you what do you use as your sabatage...what would your answer be??  If I was to ask you why you self sabotage?  What are the reasons...defeat, abuse, failed marriages, rejection, acceptance, and the list goes on...However the things that you use to cover the pain of whatever you have not dealt with...it will just manifest in a different way of sabotage unless you fully deal with the underlying issue.  That may be in way of counseling, biblical community, etc....make sure that it is a place that truly wants to help you get through it and be better at the end.

Two big things that come to mind is food and shopping.  A pattern that was set for me was when things go bad we go shop to make it feel better.  At first a pack of gum would make me happy for a bit, then the thing that made me happy got bigger and bigger, purse, shopping spree for clothes etc.  It was a happy high that lasted for a while until I would balance the check book and BOOM here comes the after math.  The head held low as I tell my spouse there is nothing left in the checkbook because I spent it all.  I did that to solely deal with my emotions.  After years of this pattern I still struggle with it not near as often but my husband said to ask is this a need or a want.  That truly helps keep me in check to make sure that I am not finding my "happiness" in stuff.

The next thing I try to find comfort is in food.  Oh wow does that chocolate brownie look good, so good I will eat three.  Wow did I really eat that whole bag of chips, wake up in the morning to find wrappers on the floor next to your bed, eat everything in the cabinet because that is the comfort.   When things go bad we run to food.   As most americans we all struggle with some self image flaw.  So this vicious circle never stops. I am unhappy with the way I look so gee let me go eat everything in the cabinet...nothing sastified me but dang it I just ate a million calories so yep here comes the weight.  I don't know about you but that doesn't make much sense but we do it anyways.  For years I have suffered from insomnia...sleeping maybe fours hours a night with meds, I would be up in the middle of the night by myself and eat everything that I could get my hands on.  The next morning I would get up know I ate it in a fog but then go to throw something away and yep there sits all the evidence.  What happens then....well the comfort food was never a comfort and now I look into the trash can and it verifies that the vicious circle never has stopped.  

So with all of this being said...over the years (even though I STILL struggle with this stuff time to time) I have come to know that my comfort in not in STUFF but in God.  I know that in my heart of hearts He is a GOD that loves me in spite of my weight, my shopping habits, etc.  The fact that my God knew me before I was born, knows every detail down to the last hair on my body is amazing.  He is bigger than the defeat, abuse, failed marriages, rejection, acceptance, and the list goes on.  Why would I not want to find comfort in someone who is not judgemental, who truly loves me for me. Can you think of a reason not to? 

How do I handle it do you want to know...when I get ready to go shopping I truly hear my husband saying is that a want or a need (for accountability...although I try to hit the mute button when it is a cute purse or clothes haha) but God gave me something bigger than that.  He gives me the right to tell the devil off....so I plainly in my head say Satan you do not get victory over this.  My God gets this victory so on that note you can go right back to hell where you belong.  That my friends is what brings me comfort.  Although I still struggle with those things I truly can say that most of the time and walk away. 

When I do mess up I am reminded that I have a God that loves me like no other and He has forgiven me so I need to forgive myself and move past it...don't dwell in it or it will eat you alive.  Stop that vicious circle before it begins again.

until next time....

Spiritual DNA....and

A couple of sentences in a book grabbed me like a mom grabbing her child frantically from running out into busy traffic....

"The challenges they face are as different as the hemispheres where they live, but I see them as twins. They share the same spiritual DNA.  They are driven by the same passion...They accomplish ridiculously amazing things for God's glory.  Their faith seems to be turbocharged from some source that the average Christian never quite taps into." Sun Stand Still...Steven Furtick.

Some things that came to mind is how we are all connected by God's same spiritual DNA but how come we all use is so differently.    I know God gives us different talents, interests, missions etc but how come so many of us just barely tap into them.  Here is a few thoughts of mine..

When you are a "christian" (I use quotations as that is how most people use the signal when they talk about us) in this very dark world one of two things happen..you are called a hypocrite or a Jesus Freak. People either run so far from you, make fun of you, heckle you, pretend to walk that road with you then bail when the times get to hard...etc.   Well in this dark world we were ALL design with God's blueprints that has built in SDNA (spiritual DNA).  How come we just sit lukewarm in that....scripture tells us this...So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I am about to spit you out of my mouth. Rev 3:16 (NIV)  I don't know about you but I don't want Jesus to spit me out.  If Jesus spits me out you might as well ship me right to hell cause that is how our lives will be..NO THANKS.

How come we see so many needs but yet we just go day to day and never step out.  We let God have some of our things but we really limit him to work only in some areas.  So many of us have a story, event, a coincidence that led to something bigger (which might I add are not that...they are truly God's divine appointments), an addiction etc that we have been able to claim victory over it and yet we are so closed up that we can't even share them...we can't be transparent so that we can help others...God has a so much more in mind that us just surviving on this earth.  He has a plan for us, huge plan for us be we just do enough to get by.   I am the worlds worst about getting into my bible, taking time to talk to God, or just thanking him for the day to day stuff that he provides so as I say this to you I am saying the same thing to myself.

Imagine if we let that SDNA loose...what if for once we let it out of our body and run with it.  Can you imagine?  Can you imagine how we "christians" can change this world.  How God's light can shine like nobody's business?  Sounds great doesn't it....well then what in the heck are we waiting for....let's do it, lets let it out.   So what does that look like...well quite frankly I don't know what it is for you seeing that I did not design you..(thank goodness because you would all be wearing flip flop and carrying coach purses...maybe that is not a bad thing..lol) but here is what I do know...simple things can simply change others.

 Take the time to look someone in the eyes and say hello, how are you today?  Someone looks lost (I mean lost soul, giving up etc) give them a hug and tell them that you love them but most of all God loves them, send you neighbor a note in the mail with no return address telling them what a great neighbor they are,  pay for the car behind you in line at a fast food drive through or at a starbucks, buy the cashier that works at the grocery store a candy bar and a drink, go through your clothes and purge them.. pass them on to someone in real need,  your oh my gosh the list goes on...those are the little things but so many of those "little" things lead into a domino affect from one random act of kindness or a little idea that starts out as a simple thing catches on and becomes huge from people wanting to help out but did not know where to start.  So my challenge to  you is to do something awesome this week to let your SDNA out of the cage and be free.   I have tried to instill this in my son's head since he was little how something so little can be so big and can change someone for that moment, that day, or forever.

My thought who cares what people will say, think or do.  Bottom line you were put on this earth, all (believers or not) of us were created by our Father...all set with the same spiritual DNA.  You are a CHRISTIAN, saved by ONE man.  ONE man took everything for us, things that NO ONE should ever have to endure for another, the least we can do is help ONE more man know that.

My challenge for you is to do one thing everyday.  So I look forward to hearing the stories of how one thing changed someone else's day. As things happen this week I encourage you to post them on here to help someone else step out and do the same.

So where does your spiritual DNA stand...how do you plan on letting it loose?

until next time....

In a mere second life can........

The morning of March 11 at three something in the morning God woke me up with this title and message. I have had it in edit status for a few days as I wait for God to finish it...so here we go

In a mere second life can change...for an instant, for a season, or forever.

We go everyday through life without the thought of anything happening to me...maybe we think about it, maybe we don't. On a daily basis we have 86,400 seconds that pass us by. However we can have 86,399 good ones and then the one second somewhere in that day can change your life temporary or forever.

In a mere second you may hear several different things in different peoples lives...like your pregnant, here is your new keys to your house, congrats on the new car, will you marry me, or things like...I am sorry you have cancer, I want a divorce, you have a disease, your son or daughter has a incurrable sickness, the decision you made cost your life, the jury we find you guilty, you don't know how dissapointed I am in you, the list is endless with good and bad results.

In that next second we start the next season, processing it. At that very moment you have the choice to look at it as a negative thing or a blessing. We spend so much time living in the what if, if I could have, I should have done this, why did I not....those what if's, how comes, and why not are from SATAN and NOT from our God!! Who might I add when you do that you just give him more ammunition. In a world that if full of dark and evil stuff why keep on giving him that power. That stuff just holds you in bondage to him and frankly he, Mr. Hellraiser is not worth the effort.

So in each situation I ask you when the "next" second happens how are you going to handle it? We always say in that very second I would have.....when and how will your next seconds count? Just my random thoughts...

Until next time........

Is your God in a box? Let Him out...He might just transform your life!!

Let me start out by saying....I truly like blogging as it gives me a out for my thoughts. So thank you to whomever created the blog...lol

So lately I have seen so much in my family change when I decided to let God out of the box that I was in control of.

Started this bible study roughly end of 09 called Be Transformed by Scope Ministries. www.scopeministries.org/ There are nine chapter in this book below in order. 1. Discovering the Root of our problems, 2. Understanding the Good News, 3.Seeing ourselves as God sees us, 4. Getting to know our heavenly father, 5. Living by the spirit, 6. Controlling emotions, 7. Expectations, anger, and bitterness, 8. The perfomace treadmill, and 9. A life transformed.

Well yep you look at that and I don't know about you but I wanted to run. The first five I was good with, although I totally learned to much but the next ones well I wanted to plan four absences. lol

Back up a few...I have over come several things that happened to me in the past and in growing up. As I have overcome that stuff made total peace, gave forgiveness, etc wow did I learn a few things I thought I already knew. All though I had forgiven over all is still affected some of my lifes habits and decision. The bible study was going great until chapter seven....might as well dumped a whole truckload of manour on me..because that chapter permiated the smell of it in my life.

So chapter seven was expectations, anger, and bitterness. Well I soon realized that I had it in two huge areas of my life...One my finances and two my husband. In my house growing up after a discipline issue that usally went to far...the habit was for my mom to take me out and buy me something to make me and her feel better for what happened. Bad thing...started a pattern that has haunted me till about six months ago and it is still sometimes a struggle. So when life goes crazy or out of control I really have to fight to go out and shop for instant gratification but the finacial apsect of it well that hits me later. I love to shop at whatever cost, credit card, run the check book on empty etc. I tell you this because I am so free from that 95 percent of the time and it was this chapter. The only thing that can meet my eternal and earty happiness is my God. My husband plays a huge roll in it as I use Him as my rock to keep me from spending...lol He says ask yourself if it is a need or a want. Well a huge portion of the time it is a want...then I put it down and walk away..lol

The second part of this is my husband....Get ready because this my friend changed my life plus His!! On January 26, 2010 in my living room I told my girls at the group that were there that day that I was done...done with expectations with my husband. (Most of you know Jay now but one year ago he was a different man. Although he has always been a awesome man, great husband, provider, and dad the one thing I wanted I did not have...that was him to be the spiritual leader of our family.) I was tired of carrying that load. We are military and everytime we move we don't always find a church so you have to try to stay grounded. That was not a load that God called me to carry. He calls the man to be that leader. So that very day I said I am done. I am giving him to God...God if you think you can do it better then here he is...I am tired of him failing my expectations that then created anger, and then bitterness. (You see we have a son that just turned 18 and has a huge passion for God...hello God he needed that example)...well I know better to smart off to God because I know he just shakes his head and says watch this...lol
For a couple of weeks nothing changed....for the next two weeks something changed. My husband was quiet, edgy, moody etc...I kept asking what was going on, have I upset you, hurt you etc. Nope that is what I would get. Well Feb 21 I got the phone call...the dreaded phone call. Honey I am coming home for lunch and we need to have a serious talk. Well my stomach sunk, and my heart pounding. It was almost out 18 year wedding anniversary is seven days...really???? Well he came home and wow what a lunch. He proceeded to tell me how he has been freaked out for the past several weeks as he has notice some things changing in his life. (my husband is that guy who gets up at 4:30 every morning reads cnn.com, msn.com, and you version.com...see the pattern internet junky...lol) During the time I said God I am done...you deal with him...oh he did. So many things happened with God just changing my husbands heart and my husbands role...after several events back to back he jumped in took the role that I have been waiting for a long time....fast forward one year later my husband is the mens ministry leader, Is the paul in so many guys life..pours into them and I mean pours in to them with his whole heart. He loves like God, he leads like God, he has a HUGE passion for God and most of all he is our spiritual leader. He has set the bar for our son who is so solid in Christ right now and I know that with the leader he has had the past year he knows exactly what he is called to do if and when he marries his wife. I have been able to set that role aside and be the wife that God intended me to be...submissive to my sweet hubby who is finally right in line with God and God's plan for him. Today I love my husband more and more...we just celebrated 19 years of marriage and he is our spiritual leader...that my friends is priceless..

With chapter seven...I learned that NO ONE on this earth will ever meet my expectations and I mean NO ONE! The only person that will meet my expectations 100% in my sweet savior. So people time to take those expectations off of others and let God have it...DO NOT take it back. You can't change someone...only God can. You can be a example, a I will walk beside you kind of person, and I am hear for you but YOU can't change anyone.

With closing sadly we tend to put our God in a box....we limit Him to what He can do because either we want it done our way or we don't want anyone else to control it but us. We know that God always, always works for our good right? Then give it to him let him deal with your crap...he can clean it up so much better than we can.

So in closing...I leave you with this....let God out of the box that you keep Him in...you will be suprised at what he can do in a moment that we can't do in a lifetime...

until next time......

Yes I hear you but am I really listening?

So how many times to you say yes I hear you? Without fail I say that several times a day....sadly most of those day I don't really listen. It would not be with my family or my friends but it is with God. This move thing has been a true test of faith.

I can't imagine how many times God says Tiffany...did you hear me...my relpy...yes I heard you...God says but are you really listening...my answer well yes...His reply...we will see...

so as we go through life I always say yes I hear you...well lately God has been saying no you don't because if you did....well you would know I say rest in me. Let me have all your fears, anxiety etc and let me deal with them. You know I have a plan for you but you won't allow me to do my work but then when I do you don't give me the glory. Just rest in me....

Well I am here to say God I hear you. I hear you loud and clear. I gave you my situation with my move and you hit it out of the ball park. You have provided my family with a house and I know you have someone picked out for this house rather a buyer or renter...Keep talking God because that my friend is the best conversation to have. Thank you so much for God that never gives up on me.

So I ask you are you hearing God.....but are you really listening?

Until next time

Why are we here? What is in your blueprint?

Often we go through life and we have so many different questions?  What is our purpose here?  Why did God put me here if all I have is bad things that happen?   When will I ever find love, husband, wife etc?  Well I hear these questions all the time and here is my thought on it...

I don't think we always know what our 100 percent purpose is on this earth.  However I do know this.  God has a plan and a purpose on this earth for you.  Sometimes we get so caught up in all the what if and whys that we miss the little picture that usually leads to the bigger picture.

For years I always wanted to know what MY purpose was on this earth but I do know this God gave me the gift of "gab" as I call it.  For a while I used to wonder this...am I to much for people, to loud, to obnoxious etc...then I had something profound that God confirmed that my gift of "gab" was right what He had intented for me...

We attended a church at our last base and one Sunday a fellow volunteer said okay there is a lady here who attended our Christmas service and has come back for a second time. Can you please find her and chat with her (knowing that I NEVER meet a stranger) etc.  Her name was Renee.  (I will never forget that name because it had a huge impact on what my purpose was.)  So as we sat down I looked around with the desription she had given me...(a lady with brown hair and a jacket that had cheetah print around the wrist) could not find her..finally as the music started I looked around again and to my left in the next section was that lady...I scurried over there to introduce myself.  I said, "hi I am Tiffany and wanted to know if you would like to come sit with my family" happily she obliged.  After that service I then introduced her to the pastor as a new attendee that started at our huge Christmas service (which we know that two times a year people come to church for Christmas and for Easter) and that she loved it and so did her daughter (who had begged to stay for two Christmas services because she had so much fun.).  Of course for me that was so good to hear because I loved my church.  I was a teller at our last church counting tithes and after I was done that next week my pastor stopped me and said you remember the lady that you introduced me too...I said yes, He then said she called me on Friday to tell me her husband was killed and she was so thankful that at that moment she had a church family, even if it was just a short time since she had been going to church.  She asked our pastor to do his funeral.  As we attended that funeral we saw so many people that loved that guy.  He was a hard core Harley rider and was a repo of cars.  (He took his tow truck out and was hitching a car up...as he raised the car up onto the tow truck he then went behind the car to look at it and the car then came loose and back over him sadly taking his life.)  That was a huge break through for me and God's gift He gave me.

I was questioning my very nature that God had implanted in my life....HE wrote that quality about me in my blue prints when He designed me.  That very incident confirmed that my God created me with a gift....a gift of being outgoing and never meeting a stranger.  Had I second guessed myself that day Renee would have come to church every week (if she continued to come) maybe with no one investing in her.   The very blueprint God created was used for His glory which satan had me second guess.    What we think how come, why not etc may not be in God's bigger plan for you....stay focused on the little things you can do to further His kingdom not satan's what if and how come bondage...

My point if you are wondering is this...if you stay so focused on what if, how come, etc you will MISS the little details that are written in your blueprint.  When you start catching God's little details...He starts to reveal the big picture..    So my advice is do things everyday for HIS glory and not your fleshy gratification and you my friends will see that you have a gift that was written in your blueprint...until next time..

I am God's masterpiece, and I honor that today!!

Well the last week has been such a hard week as reality has slapped me in the face...after coming back from our cruise that has been planned for a year I knew this time come sooner than later. Time for what you ask...well time to move.  The military says okay time to uproot you from life where you are comfortable living and start all over.  Oh and by the way you get to leave the church you love behind, the people that have become your church family behind, but most of all you leave your son behind to start college.  You leave him behind to turn him loose into the world, but you get to do it from afar.  So get that forsale sign in the yard and move on already is what all bulletins lead too.

As I sit hear just knowing this is going to be my hardest move ever with all the things I have to "leave" behind I hear this we are going to miss you, we love you, what will this place be without  you.  Well I sit here saying...you can't truly get it until you have walked in my size five shoes, the feeling of what it is like to move every two to three years.  Leave everyone that you make friends with behind.  (I know this is a life we chose when we were young but as you get older it doesn't get any easier.  When you are 18 you don't think that far ahead lol)  People don't realize that when you move life for everyone else that you left behind goes on, that Tiffany as the military wife has to start over, new base, new area, new neighborhood, new friends, pray that we find a new church that fills that void when you leave the old one behind....this is so hard to keep doing.  I am almost 38 and truly I am not ready to let my son go into this world, I am not ready to move again and leave everything and everyone behind but what choice do I have.  Well I have two...

One, I keep wollaring in my self pitty, blend in the wall like a wall flower so I don't have to deal with it, stop doing things for God's work and quietly slip out of town ....or I can look at it as a honor....

I choose honor.  Although I am sad some of the time thinking about this, cry about it to my friends, so clearly reminded every time I see my sons acceptance letter for college and the for sale sign in my yard when I walk out of my house. I am honored that my God thinks so much of me that He chooses to move me time after time again to further His kingdom.  I may be sad that I move and that life goes on without me but how can I be sad that my God chooses to move me all over the world so that I can be a light, His light in a very dark world.

Today was a huge emotional day for me (in the most awesome way) as I was asked to baptize two friends.  As I did it hit me with a ton of bricks of how God used me here to do work for Him.  We take for granted having a church there every week for us.  A church that we come to with open doors, very transparent people, a place to FREELY worship our God,  a place to raise our hands high while worshing with songs, a place to further our relationship for our God.

The series we are doing in church today is called Who do you think you are?  Well let me tell you who I am,   I am a daughter, a mother, a military wife, a friend, and I am a masterpiece, God's masterpiece.  He created me with a purpose way before I was even born.  If I sit in this world and don't do His works that He has called me to do then what good am I to my family, my friends (near and far), to strangers that we have that chance encouter with to share my God with.

So as I have more days that go by and it gets closer to moving.  I am going to well as they say put my big girl panties on and honor my God.   Honor that He had and has a plan for my life.  I may not like it and throw some fits but I stand firm in knowing He has a plan for me and it is a plan that is best for me.

Thank you to all my wonderful friends over the past 18 years in the airforce and civilian world for letting me in knowing that soon you will say goodbye.  Treating my family like yours, for letting me be in your heart and most importantly you leaving a huge heartprint on my heart.

So as I close this post I clearly thank you God for choosing my life be part of your bigger devine plan.  A plan that you loved me so much that you carefully took my lifeprint and want what is best for me.   You have placed me right where I needed to be in each time of my life without fail.  Although I do not know what your next plan is for me, I do know you already have it taken care of.

So I, Tiffany Kalin, am your masterpiece God, and it is only by your Grace that I have been saved......until next time.